It's Mad, Mad, Mad TV!

It's not always about movies.

My life has a very simple routine. I go to office 5 days a week and return home for dinner, rest, family bonding and entertainment. And like several middle-class houses, I too don't have any option but to switch on the TV channels to see what they've to offer, which can provide some entertainment to me for 2-3 hours before I tuck in for the night. Here's how I've sorted them:

1. Sports channels: The IPL came, conquered, and went, leaving behind a gap. It was a full-toss, total entertainment for a month. Now, I'm on to Euro Football on ESPN. But I'm not religiously following it as IPL. Besides, the timings also are a tad late. Rest, I just hope that India develops other sports besides cricket, so that we can stay awake cheering up for our hockey, athletics, tennis, badminton teams...Amen!

2. News channels:

"Breaking News! Yuvraj is now after Katrina!" - Really a momentous step in my life or that of my country.

"Breaking News! Kareena and Saif in Hum Paanch!" Amazing! How inspiring!

"Breaking News! The world will end in 2016" Really? I better pack up my bags, then.

Sometimes, it's a toss which is weirder? Our so-called news channels which offer 'Breaking News' of the above variety or our endless family dramas? Even if the news is at times interesting and eagerly anticipated, so much brouhaha is made about it - the news remains 'Breaking' even after 4-5 hours. And there are so many commercial breaks in between. You wonder what you are really watching - News with short breaks in between or commercial breaks with short bits and pieces of news in between?

The only sane channels I can think of: BBC and CNN (though not Indian), CNBC, Tez, and Times India. The rest of the channels I'm afraid don't seem to have any fixed format. For example, I know that BBC telecasts news every hour, whether it's 6:30, 7:30, 8:30 AM or PM, but I don't really know about the rest of the channels. Although news channels offer news at prime times, but is that really news or opinions of the same news or discussions.

3. Entertainment channels:

3a. Saas-Bahu dramas: All right! I just can't escape them. I might moan and grumble about them, my family might. But they will be religiouly tuned in at every dinner. If for nothing else, then to just see the latest fashions on clothes, jewelry etc.
Value entertainment? Absolutely not.
Time pass? Certainly, yes.
Tear-jerkers? Are you kidding?
Humor? Yes, if for nothing else, then for sometimes absurdly paths of the storylines.
Eye candy? Definitely. There are some very good-looking guys and girls in them, and some of them can really act too. But usually it's a case of repeating the nice thing too much, endlessly. Like if you admire a star jodi in a serial, then rest assured they will remain star-crossed throughout their lives. They might marry, produce children, even leap up generations but still remain unlucky in love, until a channel boss just wields the baton and asks the producer to wrap up the series.

Which ones to follow? Though I don't watch all of them, I can suggest a few ones which are promising. The storylines are not revolutionary, but at least they seem like stories:

• Hamari Devrani , Bidaai (Star Plus)
• Mata Ki Chowki (Sahara)

I'd like the serials to end in half-an-hour and are humorous and have some nice message. Notable examples are

• FIR and Office Office (Sab TV)
• Baa, Bahu, aur Baby (Star Plus)

3b. Reality shows of songs and dances: Once upon a time, we had a show called Indian Idol which captured the attention of the entire nation. Debates were held on who would win it. Amit Sana or Abhijeet Sawant? Abhijit emerged as the winner, capturing the hearts of the nation. Zee and Star followed the craze, and last year Zee even bested the national obsession of Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi with the winner, battle of gurus reality show of singers. I loved Raja when he sang "Naina das lenge," I cried when Poonam sang "Sabki baratein aayin." I even stayed up to see who would win on the rival Star's reality show.

But now, I just dont' give a damn! To see my point, you just have to tune in every Sunday afternoon. Every channel is hosting their own reality show of singers. It's very sad to see the winners of previous contests once again doing what they are best at - contesting in another reality show of singers, singing old gems of Lata and Rafi, and pleading for votes. Pathetic? It just shows how much credibility these shows have after all with our Bollywood industry. If they were that great, why don't they have their time full of singing new songs? But at least, the reality shows are giving them steady income, giving steady earnings to judges who otherwise just want to take a break from their real jobs of choreography or music direction, and fill up channel coffers.

4. Movie channels:

4a. Hindi movie channels: Every movie channel has one or two films which are its favorite. Cases in point. Zee Cinema loves Rajshri Movies - Maine Pyar Kiya, Hum Aapke Hain Kaun, Hum Saath Saath Hain. They religiously repeat it on most Sundays. Set Max, when not broadcasting cricket, loves Gangajal. I have lost the count of how many times I saw that movie on the channel.

Another common factor is that they love Amitabh Bacchhan. Agreed, he's the great Superstar of Hindi cinema and an amazing actor. But we also have other great actors, some in Black & White Classics. No generation can move forward without learning about the greatness of their seniors. So how about showing some classics of Dilip Kumar, Dev Anand, Raj Kapoor, Guru Dutt, Ashok Kumar, Sanjeev Kumar, and so on? For some readers, these names might read strange, but hey guys, there was life before Amitabh and Khans also? And a better-preserved, more awe-inspiring star presence? If you don't believe me, then ask your mom and dad or grandparents?

4b. English movie channels: Wonderful so far, with just some issues.

• If only HBO could showcase more of its series like Sex and the City, Rome, or Entourage.
• If only Star Movies could show more lighter movies - it's venturing too much into dark territories.
• If only Sony Pix could check its sound quality. I had to drop out from so many movies because the audio was not lip-synching properly with characters on screen.
• If only Zee MGM could show a wider variety of movies. I love Zee MGM's practice of providing transcripts with the movies. They make me more attuned to the movie, I can follow the movie even if I have to mute it (for example, late at night), and I can improve my pronunciation and understanding of the English diction.

5. Life channels (Discover, National Geographic, etc.): Well, they are great! They are like fresh springs of life-saving water in these oceans of mindless entertainment. But sometimes, their topics are, let's say, less interesting to me. For example, I wouldn't like to know what kind of future weapons would be out there or what are boys toys. But these topics would continue for 1 hour at least. So what do I have to do? Switch on to the mindless entertainment finally, which brings me to the last category below.

6. Music channels: The dumbest category of all. You just have to let your brain go to sleep and watch videos after videos of jhatkas and matkas, new movie trailers, and endless monologues of VJs. This is why I think TV was named 'Idiot Box.' Because the brain cells definitely cry when seeing this endless litany of songs and dances, but they are fantastic to pass away the time for a while. Now, the MTV has come up with some reality shows like the Roadies, Splitsville, etc. to offer a bit of variety. But is that really something I'd like to see? Like a voyeur, I too tuned in at times to watch them, but I was totally disturbed by what I've seen in these shows. So much negativity, bitching, back-biting, and meanness. Do we want our values to really become that twisted to achieve what we want, at any cost, values be damned? I just can't bring myself to see that. Please give me Saas-Bahu anytime. They might be dumb, but at least they're not corrupting my thought process!

With this, I wrap up. Happy telly viewing!

Peace and love. XO